TRANSFORMERS 3: REVENGE OF THE ANCIENT

It starts with a busted ass slow transformer. I am trying to cross the road and this slow ass car is taking its time. I am phobic about crossing a road alone and i just happened to be alone that day. Can you imagine the transformers growing up? Playing hide and seek? Going to class? This lorry must have been the class retard, the one with the "dunce" hat seated at the corner every goddamn day coz muthafucka believe 1+1 for sure be 3.14! Slow ass car, i don't give a fuck but if I am dying or am at the risk of, i am NOT gonna depend on this muthafucka to help me out! Slow ass transformer. He'd probably be named Blunder or Nesh!

So i cross the road and now walking to the stage to get a jav (yeah, i jav and damn proud of it too!) I see this old guy looking at me from his car. Made me think. Don't get it twisted i love old people. I really do. But, fuck...old people NEED to stop thinking that just coz you are old we are supposed to do you favors. Just coz you old:

• doesn't give you the right to spit haphazardly in the streets. Why the fuck you spitting right infront of me? What? You've spent 80soeshit years on this earth running your fuckin mouth about everything so now you feel you must get rid of the excess saliva that way? What? Are you doing libation? Peace to the departed? Do they die every fuckin minute coz i see your old ass spitting withe very 6 and a half steps your old ass be taking! Muthafucka spits mo than an underground New York rapper. Damn!!!

• doesn't give you the right to expect everyone to understand what teh fuck you sayiong!!! How you walk into a jav, this muthafucka, the nerve of this muthafuka! First off, when your old self stopped the jav, you heard the music playing! Even with your 102 year old ears (look at the mofos with a heavy mother tongue influence reading 102 ear old ears!, uko down!) you can hear the music playing. Why do you start bitching in the jav for the driver to reduce the volume. What? are you looking out for us or some shit? Tryna save our young ears from damage. Why? So that i can end up 106 years old like you with every other goddman organ in my body failing but hey, atleast i will have perfect hearing...so that i can hear muthafuckaz bitching about how much of a burden i am on them. Way to go you old hag! So the music volume goes down (punk ass driver) and this muthafucka starts chatting me up. Nigga i don't fucking know you! OK, granted the fact that all you old muthafuckaz look the same. Like a smelly old version of China (no offense). This nigga talking to me about his kids. I don't know your kids. Judging form your age, your youngest son was probably Kibaki's deskmate! Fuck that shit! And whatever you keep saying whilst smiling to me/spitting makes no dog gone sense! Negroe! Making a nigga feel like Chris from Family Guy with that old perv. Don't fucking talk to me and you must...SPEAK A LANGUAGE I UNDERSTAND! SLAVERY ENDED A LONG ASS TIME AGO YOU AIN'T GOTTA SPEAK IN CODE LANGUAGE NO MORE! ever seen how old peeps almost topple over when they see a white man in the streets. In their old minds they are actually taking down that muthafucka so white boys, it ain't all god in the hood just yet!

• doesn't...OMG!!!! Why? In the name of all that is holy why the fuck do old people have all that goddamn hair all over their bodies??? Nigga looks like a some monkey that escaped the lab in the middle of test #684 when they realized tryna enlarge this muthafuckaz brain ain't a good idea after all. Kill the test subjects, this muthafucka managed to escape. How you ask? negroe probably spit his way through the metal frames. I mean, these guys and their spitting! Their saliva even look venomous as its thrown all over the place as they talking! All this muthafuckin hair all over their bodies! Its beyond gross...its like they have a life of their own and anytime a nigga touches you they are gonna jump on you and take over your body. Can you imagine getting into a jav a young handsome/fly individual only to shuka an old smelly spitting mad person who is hopped up on paranoia juiced up with ampicilin (is that how they spell that old people drug?). Shave muthafucka! I know your old ass was introduced to shavers late in life but USE it!! Malaika? Hapana! On young guys its ok, but on you! sulululu!! That is some Angels & Demons shit you got going on! Goddamit!!!!

• doesn't mean i have to be nice to you just coz you old. There is a lady who lives 2 doors away from me. I swear to God if she weren't so old i would...but then she wouldn't be the bitch she is if she weren't old. Always talking shit! Always!! What the hell? And why are you so rude when i walk past you? I mean, i am moving outta your way so your slow ass can compete with Blunder/Nesh on the road-which one of you muthafuckaz is faster? i dunno. Get Jelimo's slow ass to be the timekeeper-atleast give her rich ass SOMETHING to make her feel like a winner again!
  

Like i said, i don't hate old people...i just wish they would shut the fuck up, quit complaining, take a bath more often (nigga please! you a fool if you think your grandfolks be showering on a daily basis), shave, and smile more muthafuckin often.

Sorry for the vitriol but as a not so wise former radio presenter now baby momma to some MP who is closely linked to our former president (phew! i almost outed that Masiero chic!): "Profanity makes talking fun"

Remember, live music, love life!